Challenge frankduffey

 

I like painting on canvas I have done one painting but I kind of have lost interest in that for now I dont really have any inspection for anything now. I suffer from Depression and I am trying to get out more, I was going to more NA and AA meetings until I found out rumors being spread about my disability by people thier so I go to about one or two meetings during the week when I go to my VA group thats part of the daliy plan.I am not as active as I was before.

I have not been to a movie in a long time at least 2 years.

country Southern Rock

I do still enjoy reading but most often times I( cant remember what I jsut read its part of my disability now and that way I can read old books over again lol

I dont like mean people or people who talk about others so that they can feel better about themselves.

I relocated to Gainesville, Fl after my divorce, I became Disabled due to The Brain Tumor surgery I had in june 2003. I submitted my Disability in 2003 and I was grated on December of 2006. I am currently attending a VA group here in Gainesville and also trying to rebuild my life after becoming disabled I am currently visiting a local church Singles Sunday school class which also has a Local Singles group that is open to anyone regardless of denomination or belief. I have not attended any of the activities but I plan to next month March 2009. I am looking forward to meeting new people and I hope I can overcome my own fears and start dating again. I have not dated much at all after my divorce or had a romantic relationship, I guess a lot has to do with my own self image after I became disabled I thought in my own mind that I was somehow less of a Man than I was before as to what I could do. But I had to learn that MY disability was not who I was it was just a condition I have to learn to live with, So I am hopeful that I will get out more in the coming weeks and maybe ask someone out. I know if I at least try maybe I will have a chance, my fear has to do with having to explain why I am disabled and then facing rejection so I am going to do all I can possile toi overcome this. I may not be successful the first time but maybe God has some kind of plan for my life if I do my part and get out of the house, I dont have a lot of money to eat out a lot but I can choose some of the activities and go to at least 2 of them a week. Hopefully someone else there maybe looking for someone who wants a long term relationship. It will be a new experience for me going to a Bar or club I don't drink and I have over 3 years sober and the fact that my Pain medications methadone and morphine do not mix well with booze. So even if I could I do not have any desire to have hangovers and be around persons who are drunk. I hope that if a problem comes up, I can alway leave and go home until the next event. I have tried to look for someone in recovery but I have not meet anyone that was interested, or they had their own issues to work on and I respect that. I had the same fear of rejection and I have talked to my VA case manager about what I have been going through and we talked about me getting out to some of the events even if they are at Bars I am not there to drink I am their to make new female friends and maybe I will find someone who does not care about my disability. I know basically what I am looking for is a lady who cares about others as well as her own appearance. I was a Business owner with a partner in St Petersburg for over 9 years and after that I attempted to run a gift store in Crystal River but it became more than I could do at the time. After the 3 hurricanes that came through the Crystal River , Fl area I closed the store, My home at the time was not livable due to mold and a contaminated well, I was able to set up then sale of the house through a broker who was then working with my ex wife I have no idea what happened other than I know she received money after the sale and more after the time was rehab and sold. I left and I did not have anything other than the clothes on my back. I was homeless for a time and then went to my parents for help I could not work and I was not receiving any disability at this time. Once I had been there fir a while I got into a disagreement with my Dad I have no idea over what it was but I was arrested and taken to the Dekalb County jail and I was bailed out by my dad and then the state got involved and I was arrested again, I guess I spent about 90 days total in and out of there, I tried to leave the area and I was in the Mareatta, Ga area and no place to go, I was taken to the north Georgia Mental Health Hospital in Rome Ga from there I received a Bus ticket and went back to St Petersburg Fl I thought I still had friends there but I was directed to the VA hospital one night and they released me I was drinking at the time, and it was near New Years and on New Years night My ex wife called the police department saying I was harassing her and causing problems at the Bar I was in, The police arrived and I was taken to the Pinelass County Jail at that time I had a warrant for trespassing of all things and I spent 20 days there and then was taken to Gainesville to the Jail there for a additional 30 days for a total of 59 days in jail for a trespassing charge, After which In was again homeless inn Gainesville back where I started from before I went to Atlanta, I will say that during the time I was in Atlanta I stayed Sober for 9 months after I came to Gainesville It has now been over 3 years I have completely changed my life and I am living own my own I have hot had any problems or been in jail after I received my Disability and was able to find housing through the VA. I am grateful for teh help I received now I am jsut trying to find some kind of life, I will always remember the way I was treated when I was homeless and in Jail I was a successful Business Man and Married for 14 years before my Brain Tumor Surgery It completely changed my life. I do have a different life now and I am glad to just be alive,a lot of people have a worse complications after their surgery. before I became disabled I was never in any trouble of any kind and I have not been since. I received some of my back pay and I was able to purchase a used car and some furniture and things for my apartment. I had a sleeping bag when I moved oin so you can imagine what I had to get to live here.I just wanted to write this so that you may see what I went through and the only support I have now is my VA case manager I am working on meeting new people and hopefully I will have someone in my life that does care about me for who I am. I don't look disabled but I am my memory has changed completely I can not remember reading a book so I don't read that much I cant remember the story line or if you gave me a book to read I could not tell you what it was about or who the main charters were, That is a example of what I go through every day. A trip to the grocery store is confusing but I am getting better if I limit the amount of items on my list that way I don't become confused about the choices that I have to make. If you were wondering about my education I received a Associates Degree in Electrical Engineering Technology from St Petersburg College in December of 1996, after which I continued to build the computer business which I had started with my partner who had a paging and two way radio business at then time. So I do have a education and I do remember some things.To go from being a Business Owner and living in a house with a pool to being homeless was a big shock to me I was not able to help myself with out the help I received from the VA, I would not be where I am today. I know I cant change the past but I am focused on the Future and what I can do to make my life better I guess I wanted to write about my experiences to show where I had been and if I have repeated myself in this document I do apologize thats jsut part of what I deal with all the time and I have learned to laugh at myself when I can and try to improve if possible and if not I am willing to accept whee I am today. I hope that by sharing my own experience I have given hope to someone of if you are reading this maybe you will understand what I have gone through maybe you have some of the same things in your past you would like to share with me. I welcome any understanding and I am doing the best that I can do with what God has given me to work with today.I am glad that there is a spell check on here and I am sure I have missed some words here and there but it was a great attempt and I will continue to update this information when I can.I believe that if I continue to keep my spirtual life growing I will be attractive to others as they see changes in me that I do not often see in myself. I do know that sometimes I can dismiss opportunity like attending different thing maybe because in the past things have not gone as I would have liked I have a track record of just saying well that didnt work so now I will have to find some other way of reaching my goals without looking at something in a different light maybe I was the one that decided I know what everyone was thinking and I was sure that then women there knew all about my disability and dodnt want to go on a date that kind of self defeating thinking has been my biggest thing to over come and it will be a challenge to stop and say Hey! I know what OI am doing here and I need to reevaluate the situation and maybe be more open to new ideas and ways of thinking Just being able to recognize what is happen9ng and wanting to change a behavior is growth and I can see progress now as for before I would hold on to this behavior as a way to get out of a situation that may have required some effort on my part. I think that not only for me but for other people as well that if we can recognize what is happening that thier is hope that I can grow out of a self defense mode and move on to developing new tools to deal with life in a way that lets people in my life rather than shuts ythem completely out.

Franklin Edward Duffey
February 2009